Beauty in the Tension, Fatherless, God, Kristin Clouse, Loved by God

A Letter to the Fatherless

For the past few years, I have thought of writing this letter, but have always hesitated. This may be due in significant part to my own heart struggles in this area. Putting my thoughts in written form brings a reality and openness to my heartbreak. Many of you are like me. We are the fatherless. Although there are many reasons why we don’t have our fathers, nonetheless, it is a difficult place, especially on Father’s Day.

I think the reason I am finally writing this is that I recently found out my father passed away over a year ago. Well, that is what we believe. I have not seen my father in twenty-two years, and before then, it had been fifteen years. As a baby, my parents were divorced, which was not typical for the sixties. I only remember seeing my dad a few times a year in my early years. I felt loved by him, although I longed for a family with both parents living together. When I was fifteen, my dad moved out of state with his new wife and children, and it was then that the silence began. So many things took place over those years where a daughter would want her dad. The silence was deafening. It tore my heart apart, and I cried myself many nights with confusion and loss intermingling together. Fast forward to fifteen years later, when I was thirty, and my dad came back into our lives for two years, and then he drifted off in the same pattern never to be heard from again.

It seems most of our relationship has been in silence. As a child, I romanticized our relationship and had a blind love for my dad. Love was always something I was seeking. Don’t we all. For some, we are raised with the security of loving parents, and for others, one or both are distant from us. Maybe you were like me as well? I thought so. 

I tell you this to say, 

I see your struggles,

I feel your heartache, and

I know the pain of not having a father around.

I would love to share with you a few thoughts on this.

Our God defines our value. You and I are not defined by whether our father is in our lives or not? Our value is defined only through Jesus. I pray these words would sink down deep into your soul and bring a peace you have been longing to have. Our earthly father does not define you or me, but our heavenly Father does. Grow your relationship with God, and there you will find peace and value.

Our God is a Father to the fatherless. In Psalms 68:5-6a, we read, “God is his holy dwelling is a father to the fatherless and a champion of widows. God provides homes for those who are deserted.” We are part of God’s family. We are children of the Most High God. We are the King of kings kid and we, you and I are greatly loved. 

Yes, we are greatly loved.

You are greatly loved.

I am greatly loved.

Today was a day I needed to focus on those words and not on the heartache of years of silence from my earthly father. 

Our God places people in our lives to father us. I am so grateful for the few men God has placed in my life over the years who have filled the role of dad to me. My grandpa was faithful to be there for my family and me until he passed away. He is the man who walked me down the aisle, was grandpa to my kids, and taught me many things. Bob, who was my spiritual dad, taught me to be a godly woman, who lovingly guided me spiritually, and welcomed me into his family as a spiritual daughter. I miss him every day since he went home to be with Jesus and think back on our many conversations. He took me under his wing and showed me the love of a father. The last was Rev, my pastor. He was the father of our church as the lead pastor, and he was a father to me. His love and acceptance was a gift from God to me.

If you feel no one is in your life to fill the role of father, may I encourage you to pray and ask God to bring someone in. This person may already be in your life as well, so when you pray, ask God to open your eyes to those around you. As I am now in my 50’s, I realize I am at an age where many don’t have their earthly fathers with them due to age, and I find God challenging me to be a spiritual mother to others. This, too, may be what God will speak to you in this season of your life. 

May I pray a prayer over you, my friend?

Lord, I thank you that you are truly the Father to the fatherless. Lord heal the hearts of your children who have been hurt, abandoned, forgotten, or abused by their earthly fathers. I ask that your balm of Gilead would come in, comfort, heal, and restore your children. Lord, help us to grow in our relationship with you. Fill us with a passion and desire to know you more, and as we seek you, show us, transform us, and restore us to the value we have in you. Help us to see who we are through your eyes, Lord. Bring others into our lives who can be the conduit to the love of a father as well. If they are already in our lives, open our eyes to see them. Father, we pray for Godly men to fill these roles for us. We thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness and that indeed you have and will never leave us or forsake us. For this, I am truly grateful. In Jesus name, Amen.